why do i smile like i'm five?

spring is finally here!  thank the lord.  now that it’s outdoor ice cream-eating season i can forgive the fact that we lost an hour while “springing forward”.  this entire week has been in the 60s!!!  i might have gotten a little too excited and wore a skirt with NO TIGHTS when it was actually still a little chilly but i don’t care.  it’s spring godammit!  before you know it the city will be such a sweaty stinky mess you won’t have to go to the spa for it to feel like you’re in a sauna.  gross.

the leprechaun

i forgot that yesterday was st. patricks day.  i got off the train wearing head-to-toe red and looked like the lone xmas ornament in a sea of xmas trees.  people are CRAZY on st. patrick’s day and i don’t know WHY.  i mean, i guess it’s an excuse to have a parade, wear a stupid outfit, and get trashed but doesn’t that apply to every holiday/weekend?  maybe i’m just bitter because i had to attempt to cross the parade 4 times since it was a WORK DAY.  but, i have to be honest: the bagpipers and riverdancers were pretty cool.  also, who doesn’t love a man in a kilt?

bellers

for the past few days i’ve been babysitting bella (lauren’s dog).  notice how i used the word babysit and not dogsit.  bella is the cutest yorkie i have ever met.  she is always happy to see you and she’s very good at snuggling.  but in the course of these few days i’ve also learned that bella is a big ole’ BABY.  she wants what she wants and she’s gonna get it no matter what.  (maybe i should take some notes…)

look at that hair.

 the first night i spent with her i had a desparate need to appease her.  (oh sure, i’ll give you more treats even though you’ve already had 2 dinners, you sneaky monkey…)  it was that night when i realized that if i ever have a baby it’ll probably be 100 lbs and on the maury show.  (i just can’t stop feeding my baby!) 

super sniffer.

but yesterday the stars aligned and i have become dog whisperer extraordinaire!  my trick?  the eye.  over the years i have mastered the the art of the stank eye.  an effective stank eye silences all in one’s path.  i figured i could transform my stank eye skills into dog-silencing skills and it worked!  now bella and i are besties.  and you can call me tony danza because we both know who’s the boss. 

who turned out the lights?

the super sniffer

sarah and i have very sensitive noses.  we like to call them super sniffers.  it especially comes in handy for me good since i have terrible eyesight.  having a super sniffer is both a blessing and a curse.  i love catching the smells of the gyro stand on the corner or flowers blooming in central park. but i also have a heightened sense of that homeless dood on the train or the dog poo you just stepped in.  what?

wrap it up.

i’m sure everyone in sweden is probably up to their eyeballs in ABBA (i hear it plays on the ferry!) but i don’t care.  i am not ashamed.  i fell in love with ABBA on a family roadtrip when i was 9 years old.  that’s some serious history.  there’s no turning back now!

———————————-UPDATE!———————————————

guess which band was just inducted into the rock & roll hall of fame?

children of the corn!

some of you might not know this but i am deathly afraid of haunted houses.  we’re talking to the point where one particular haunted house/wax museum in lovely mackinac island had to “turn off the scary” in order to get me to leave.  i was so hysterical i had convinced myself that i was going to die there.  i even used the line: “you go ahead.  save yourself.”  maybe it’s a little childish but i have my reasons!  any old serial killer could totally put on a scary mask, carry around a chainsaw, murder you in a haunted house and NO ONE WOULD KNOW.  patrons would just think it was all part of the fun. 

corn mazes are different (unless they’re haunted.)  i’ve never been to one but i think i would like it.  especially if there’s a really cool prize at the end like ice cream.

FRESHMAN YEAR: JANIDA SWAN (FRESH MEAT)

SOPHOMORE YEAR- ANITA LAYOVER (WINNER!)

scary queen.

pretzels or peanuts?

JUNIOR YEAR- SPENT ABROAD (HELLO EUROPE!)

SENIOR YEAR- MS. SUGARBUSH (FLASHES OF PRISCILLA)

hostess with the mostest

is that grace jones?

bunny & bush

me with my ladiezzz

mother and boy.

EXTRAVAGANZA ELEGANZA!

just think.  all this could be gone…forever.

god knows they're squinters.

this is dad doing his best impression of godzilla in the desert region of xinjiang, china. this also happens to be the set of crouching tiger, hidden dragon.  remember that movie?  you know, the really asian movie with fighting and flying and bamboo?  yes, THAT one.

nerds.

kathryn bigelow- work it, loca.

now, onto more pressing matters- littlejdawg’s list of this year’s most memorable gowns:

all ruffled up with no place to go.

 HOW AWESOME WAS THIS DRESS?!  not only was she rocking some sparkle up top, but the skirt was a-mah-zing.  it looked like it was made out of layers upon layers of birthday streamers.  (i want that.)  i was iffy about the funky slit but i loved the ruffles so much that it didn’t even matter.  A+ for zoe. 

mr. f

CHARLIZE THERON.  (what up!)  we all agreed the dress looked like some sort of muppet was groping her from behind.  but i still LOVED IT.  girl knew exaaaactly what she was doing when she wore this dress and i applaud her!   by the way, it’s dior (he’s like a totally important designer).

MORE RUFFLES.

the color, the over-sized ruffles (anyone see a pattern here?)  it’s called: drama.  and this dress has got it!  good job, vera farmiga.  don’t pick something boring to wear to the oscars.  give me FACE FACE FACE BEAUTY FACE.

diva.

finally, GABOUREY SIDIBE.  homegirl picked a great dress and brought it to the ball but it was what she said about the dress that really made it memorable:  if fashion was porn, this dress would be the money shot.  that’s exactly how I feel about MY clothes!  gabby and i are so in sync.